Merry Christmas!

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Merry Christmas to you and your family!

I will be taking a break from blogging between now and New Year.

Thank you for journeying with me for the past year, and may God bless you abundantly in 2012.

Christmas Invitation

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Every year, the logistics of Christmas celebrations in our family are complicated. Every year, one side of my family is far more organised than the other.  They plan in advance where and when we will celebrate together, and who will do what.  My sibling's relatives by marriage are also planners.

Our side of the family... not so much.

Submission: Letting Go of 'My Rights'

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This Advent, I have been thinking about submission.   

Jesus let go of his right to be considered equal with God. He humbled himself to become a human infant, vulnerable to all the brokenness of our world. He let go of his right to be king, and submitted to death on a cross. 

Philippians 2:5-8 tells us that our heart attitude should be the same:

     Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross! 

But the difficult part of submission is letting go of "my rights".

O Night Divine, O Night When Christ Was Born



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Night.

Into Bethlehem's evening came the weary travellers.
In the dark stable Immanuel was born.
Into the quiet starlight came the angel choir.Into the night sky a bright new star was placed.

First dark, then light; first night, then day.

God speaks into darkness, and brings light, hope, joy, and love.  He changes our darkest moments by His presence.

Worship Him.  Immanuel, God With Us.

Word of the Father, Now in Flesh Appearing



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Jesus is the Word of the Father. 

When we humans speak a word, it represents our thought, our feeling, our soul.

Jesus is the Word of the Father, made flesh.

Jesus' intimacy with God is such that his every thought, action, and feeling is the exact representation of the Almighty.  As close as the word is to the thought, is Jesus to his Father.

God the Father cannot lie, or deceive, or fail to fulfill his spoken word.   Jesus does only what he sees his Father doing.

What is God's Word to us this Advent Season?


Jesus.
It's all about him.


 

5 Top Communication Traps



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One of the aspects of being a parent that I find extremely frustrating is communication failure.  It drives me nuts when my child(ren) do not hear, do not acknowledge, or do not respond to my words.  Sometimes the failure is the child's lack of obedience.  However, far more often, the failure occurs on my part.

O Come, O Come Immanuel

Only in the past two years have I really been aware of the season of Advent.  As a child, December was all about finishing the school year (exams, reports, end-of-year excursions), putting up the Christmas tree and Nativity set, sweating in the first few really hot days of summer, and reading lots and lots of books that I had been unable to start during term.

William P Young: The Shack: Thoughts on Marriage

The Shack, by William P Young, is the story of a man's relationship with God - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  The trigger for the man's dialogue with God is the tragic abduction of his daughter, but don't let the grim opening put you off.  This slim book is packed full of hope, surprising joy, and boundless, heart-changing love, all presented through the man's dialogue with the visible, present, communicative, loving, Tri-une God.

I bought this book some years ago, and have re-read it a few times.  Each time I read it, different thoughts linger in the days that follow:

Walking, Not Soaring

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This week has been different.  Rather than soaring on wings like eagles, I have been walking without growing faint.  Plodding along, maintaining the discipline of early rising and prayer, but without the thrills of the first fortnight.

On the first morning, I wondered if I had done something wrong.

Now, I believe that it is just another cycle of unreliable emotion, influenced by poor eating, late nights, and lots to do. 

This was confirmed today when I had the opportunity to minister in prayer for a dear friend of mine, and sensed Holy Spirit present to meet the need.

I know that I will again experience the thrill of soaring; but for now, I choose to simply turn up.

Do you go through ups and downs in your prayer life?  What do believe is the main cause for this? How do you handle it?

Skills Training 4: Task Planning and Execution

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One of my children finds it difficult to plan and execute tasks in a timely manner.  In short, this child is easily distracted.  This is a problem both at home, and at school, so we have been working with this child for about two years now on this one issue. 

Because of this, I have become more pro-active in training planning and execution skills with my other children as well.  This is very much a work in progress, as I am continually experimenting and learning strategies for training purposes, but here are some things I have learned along the way:

Skills Training 3: Pre-school and School-Aged Speech and Language

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Continuing my series on Skills Training, this post discusses strategies that you, the parent, can implement to support your preschool and school-aged child's speech and language development. 

This post assumes that your preschooler has achieved age-appropriate speech and language skills.  If not, or if your child stutters, please seek professional help, as delay in treatment makes problems harder to overcome.  You may also wish to read my post on Early Speech and Language Skills Training.

Skills Training 2: Early Speech and Language



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All children learn speech via modelling. Many children do not require any help in addition to this modelling, and will pick up sounds, words, and increasingly complex language without any difficulty. 

However, children who are not progressing, or who are progressing very slowly, do need professional help, and the earlier they get it, the more quickly they will overcome this early hiccup.

Caveat: I want to be very clear here that I am not a qualified teacher or speech therapist, but that I am writing as a mother with experience of speech therapy.  Most therapy sessions that I have attended require language skills to be worked on at home, and most of the tips I offer here have been gleaned from these therapy sessions.  Sally Ward's Baby Talk is an additional resource which has been extremely helpful.
 
The remainder of this post discusses what you, the parent, can do to support your child's early speech and language development.

Skills Training 1: Why?

I am a mother who by nature, leans towards letting children play by themselves, or with other children, and I place a high value on outside play, sibling play, and independent play.  However, I have had to learn how to play with and teach my children, because I am aware of the benefits, and of the possible detriments if I do not.

One of the goals I have in playing with and teaching my children is being intentional about training their skills in a wide range of areas: physical, verbal, social, independent living (see also my series on Chore Training), literacy, numeracy, money... the list is endless.

By planning for time and stategies to teach my children skills, I ensure that they have opportunity to learn and grow.  If I do not plan times and strategies to teach skills, then they may not have opportunity to learn what they need.  A no-brainer, right?!?

This series will focus on when and how I teach various skills to my children, and some difficulties we have along the way.

Soaring on Wings Like Eagles

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This past fortnight, I have had a taste of walking by the Spirit, not by the flesh... and it felt marvellous. Looking back, it seems like I have been flying when I am usually trudging along in the mud with my eyes and head down.  Yes, I have experienced the thrill and the joy of spending the early morning hour with my Lord, and doing his work.

Do you want to know how this has happened? Here is my story.

Defining Self-Control for Children



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Tonight, self-control was our bible teaching topic.  Somehow, when teaching scripture, the Holy Spirit graces me with the ability to simplify and give examples appropriate to the ages of my children (7.5 years, 5 years, and almost 3 years).  I know this is the Holy Spirit's work, because in general I am a really poor teacher, and I have no theology training!!!!

The definition that dropped into my head to teach the children tonight was this:

Sensory Processing: An Introduction

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I have had the opportunity over the past year to be educated in the basics of Sensory Processing. I am not an expert, but I thought it would be helpful to share some of the knowledge I have gained. The following notes are taken from Occupational Therapy workshops that I have attended, and associated handouts.

Communion Sunday November 2011

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We remembered the dead on Remembrance Day.

Today, Jesus, I remember You as I take this bread and cup.

Thank You for taking the punishment meant for me on yourself. Thank you for giving me everything good from God in exchange.

Amen

Know Your Child, Know Yourself

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The part of parenting I love best is discovering everything that makes my child special and unique - their gifts, quirks, temperament, and personality. 

I love comparing my children at specific ages, because it highlights how different they are. I love to stare at their faces when they are sitting or playing together, because I see how similar they are. I love to read about personality, developmental stages, sensory processing, love languages, and the like, because it helps me understand and value how uniquely each child is put together.

The longer I am a parent, the more value I place on knowing my child in order to parent that child well. But I am coming to understand that knowing myself is equally important.

We Remember You

In remembrance of those
who gave their lives that we may enjoy ours.
For this let us be truly thankful
and let us never forget their sacrifice.




Remembrance Day, 11 November 2011.
Lest We Forget.

For Moms in the Trenches

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 There have been times during my years as a parent when I thought I couldn’t keep going a moment longer due to a perfect storm of stress, lack of sleep, lack of wisdom, and/or lack of closeness with my loved ones. This post is written for others who may be enduring a bad time in the trenches right now.

Chore Training for School-Aged Children

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Today, I am continuing my series by detailing the methods I use for chore-training my school-aged children. (If you are interested in other age groups, you may wish to read the earlier posts in this series, Chore Training for Toddlers and Chore Training for Preschoolers). 

In this age group, I use chore training to focus on timeliness, responsibility, and attitude.

What's on Your To-Do List, Papa?

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The Holy Spirit has been gently pointing out that my favourite prayers are all variations of: ‘help!’ or ‘forgive me’. 

Both of these prayers centre on me.

But... Jesus taught that our Heavenly Father wants us to put his kingdom first, above our own needs and wants.

So as an experiment last week, I shut my eyes and waited for quietness on the inside (which took some time!). Then I prayed a simple question, trusting in Jesus to be my Jacob’s Ladder up to heaven: “What’s on your list today, Papa? Who is on Your heart?” And then I waited some more.

Time Management for Busy Moms 5: Starting School (Or Why Did I Think Getting Out With Babies Was Hard?!?)

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I wish I could tell you that I had this phase of life under control, but that would be a complete lie!!!!

However, there are some things I’ve learned that would have made my life easier when my eldest first started full-time school (for non-West Aussie readers, Pre-Primary here is an optional year of full-time schooling, following Kindergarten, for children who will turn 5 before June 30. The school year runs from February to December).

Note: I have learned most of the following lessons the hard way!

Flourishing During A Time of Waiting

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I’ve posted before about my search for employment, and it’s coming up to six months now, which seems like a handy time to reflect on the journey. I hope the lessons I’ve learned through this time will be of help.

• Tell people you trust
• Ask for help if and when you get stuck
• Ask for prayer. Prayer from friends and other believers is the main reason that I have left the initial emotional upheaval and negativity behind me, and moved on to acceptance and trust in God to provide work at the right time.
• Be prepared to consider options that have previously been out of the question, such as family daycare or other paid help. Question your previous convictions and take counsel.
• Don’t go to war with your spouse. This last point needs some expansion, as I have not posted about it previously. I am embarrassed to admit that have been (silently) at war with my husband for at least half of this time. Once our initial financial crisis eased, I did not see any reason for me to return to work, so I stopped looking. We had brief, painful discussions about this (both of us hate confrontation), and I reluctantly started searching and studying again. I am sorry now that I gave him such a hard time and added to his stress; I wish I had trusted that he was not my enemy, but that he had our family’s best interests in mind.
• Consider whether you need to update your skills, and if so, what is the most efficient method: work experience? going back to study? volunteering? something else?
• Trust that God has your situation under control, and wait on him to provide His best for you in His good time.
• Enjoy the journey! Make the most of the time you have with your children; put your heart into your study or work experience; do the best with what is in your hand right now.

Have you been looking for work? Did you flourish or just survive during that time of waiting? What would you do differently next time?

Not so well right now...

How does one write a sick note for a blog audience?!?

"Dear ___,
Sorry I couldn't post this week, I've been unwell.
Hope to get back to work again soon.
sincerely,
Penny"

I guess that will have to do. Apologies if you noticed my absence!

Place Me Like a Seal Over Your Heart

Jesus speaks these words quietly, asking for my total devotion.

Starting Family Daycare: Part 2

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Two months after indulging myself in a good cry when my kids started at family daycare, I thought it was time to reflect on how that part of our life is going, and to give you an update.

Back then, my biggest concerns were my youngest child’s adjustment and napping, and my middle child’s safety.

Are You a Christian Doormat?

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Do you fit the profile of a Christian Doormat? 

You say nothing when people insult, offend, or take advantage of you. You are tensed and stressed for days if you are forced to disagree with someone. You would run a thousand miles to avoid conflict, and other people think of you as ‘nice’ or ‘sweet’.  

On the inside, though, you are angry and resentful at the amount you are required to swallow and overlook each day. Sometimes, you explode, and you always feel guilty about how strong your emotions are. As a Christian, you know you are supposed to forgive, and you wonder why it is always you forgiving the other person, and why does the other person rarely apologise?

Chore Training for Preschoolers

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I started this series by outlining why and how I start chore training for toddlers. Today, I am looking at continuing chore training for preschoolers: children age 3-5. 

While chore training for toddlers is about introducing the tasks in a positive way, chore training for the preschoolers is about building competency, independence, and self-discipline. 

Florence Littauer : Personality Plus for Parents

Florence Littauer's Personality Plus for Parents is in my top 10 parenting books, along with the Babywise Series, Good and Angry, Don't Make Me Count To Three, and Terrific Toddlers.

Time Management for Busy Moms 4: Second Baby (or: Ahhhh!!! TWO!!!! What was I Thinking?!?)

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Shortly after I brought home my beautiful baby girl, it became blindingly obvious that looking after an infant and a toddler was not going to be easy. I hope that the lessons I learned from this experience will help prevent someone else from making the same mistakes!!!!

It's Not About Me

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 If there is one lesson I really, really, REALLY want to learn before I die, it’s that I am not the centre of the universe. I stub my toes on this truth at least once a week, painfully realising that again, I have taken offense, or jumped to conclusions, or criticized, or blamed, or judged, or, or, or... without pausing to consider Whose opinions truly matter in any moment.

Why I Bother Learning Old-Fashioned Skills: Making Stock

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I had never considered making my own stock until this year, when I came across these posts:

http://simplemom.net/how-to-make-homemade-basics/

http://www.westonaprice.org/food-features/broth-is-beautiful

http://www.maggiesnest.org/2011/04/14/whats-gaps-and-why-now/

http://www.gaps.me/preview/?page_id=28

At the time, I was in the middle of researching nutrition, specifically to support good gut bacteria and thereby boost the immune system. Making stock from scratch seemed like a fairly straight-forward and easy change that I could make to our family diet, so I experimented, and I was really pleased with the results.

I have found that I get the most use out of chicken stock, rather than vegetable or beef stock. Over the past few months, I have streamlined my method, which is as follows:

Your Love, O Lord, Reaches to the Heavens

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens;

Your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

I have sung these lines many many times in church in recent years, and felt that I just didn’t get what it meant.

This past Sunday, insight dropped into my mind as I sung them again. Let me attempt to put into words what I now know in my heart to be truth.

When You Don't Like Your Kids



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There have been times in my life when I found my children adorable, cute, and a blessing.

 

There have been other times when I did not like them at all.

 

Usually, it is one child who is going through a developmental phase of challenge or conflict, not all three children at the same time (thank goodness!); but it is still a very uncomfortable feeling for this mom to realise “I love you, but I really don’t like you at all right now”.

 

Here’s what I do when this happens:

Maxed Out on Friends?

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I’ve been comparing kindergarten experiences for my eldest son and my daughter over the past six months or so now.

(Note to non-Aussie readers: “kindergarten” refers to part-time schooling for kids who turn 4 before the middle of the school year.  Both of my children started at the beginning of our school year in February, but my son was age 3 years 9 months, while my daughter was age 4 years 3 months. I think the equivalent US term might be “preschool”, but I’m not sure, so I’ll stick with kindergarten.)

One of the many, many differences in these experiences has been my own friendships with the parents. 

Chore Training for Toddlers

Jacob Willemsz Delff: Portrait of a Boy, Aged 2

Training my children to help with housework is something I value highly. Why?

• I believe that in a family, everyone should help to the best of their ability with the tasks required to keep a clean and tidy home.
• I believe that those who make messes should learn to clean them up.
• I believe that part of a parent’s job is to train children with a long-term goal of independent living, which includes basic housekeeping skills.
• I believe that a healthy attitude to work starts in the home.
• Finally, as much as I love him, my husband’s strengths do not include a love of order, and I want to pass on my own love of order to our children.

So I start when my children are mobile enough to help, and mature enough to understand and follow an instruction - somewhere between 18 months and 2 years.   I have found that at this age, my children are very keen to help, and are bored with the usual ‘baby’ toys and occupations - they are ready to start learning ‘real’ work.   In addition, at this age, they are usually down to 1 nap a day, and have oodles of time to spare.   Chore training is one way of keeping them out of mischief!

Robin Hobb: The Farseer Trilogy

Oh my, what a feast of fantasy is Robin Hobb’s The Farseer Trilogy!  When I first read Book 1, I ended it feeling as if I had eaten the finest meal of my life - fully satiated, yet longing for more.   And Books 2 and 3 did not disappoint.

Time Management for Busy Moms 3: Nap Transitions

Adriaen van Ostade: Mother Holding her Child in a Doorway

I started this series by detailing the process I wish I had used to develop a good time management plan (or schedule) when our first baby was born. Today, I’m looking at modifying that plan as your baby approaches and enters the second year of life, when normally, naps decrease in number and waketimes lengthen. I am assuming for this post that you have only one child; balancing the needs of multiple children is a subject for another post!

When a baby transitions from 3 naps to 2, or from 2 naps to 1, there are larger chunks of time available which are not filled by nursing, meals, or sleep. These nap transitions are the ideal time to revisit your schedule.

Know Yourself

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Over the past ten years, it has become very clear to me that I need to understand my personal quirks, needs, and wants, to be successful in marriage and parenting.

When I realised that I am an introvert, I knew that I needed to plan alone-time into my daily schedule in order to function well as a mom.

When I understood that big-picture planning is not a personal strength, then I knew that I needed help from others to set goals for career, finances and family.

When I realised that I make decisions based on “gut feeling”, while my husband thoughtfully ponders the pros and cons, then I knew why we so often struggle to communicate our points of view, and that I needed to express my thoughts in a more logical way if I wanted him to understand me.

Do you think you understand yourself? How would you describe yourself to someone who doesn’t know you? What tools or strategies have you used to understand yourself?

Why I Bother Learning Old-Fashioned Skills: Line-Drying

Australian Women's Weekly advertisement 10 Aug 1955

Well, this one’s a no-brainer to me. I am fortunate enough to live in a climate which has a lot of hot, dry weather, so line-drying is just common sense. However, for those of you who have not considered it, here are the pros and cons as I see them.

Lessons from the Sandpit: His ears are Attentive to their Cry

Camille Corot: Hagar in the Wilderness

I have been observing my children at play for a number of years now, and there are many lessons I have learned about our heavenly Father during these sessions.

Most recently, Psalm 18:6 was illustrated for me:
In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God:
he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.

Does Good Parenting Equal Great Kids?

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Two recent, very different, blog posts from writers and moms I greatly respect, have sparked some thoughts in my mind. The first post was from Susan at Heart Pondering, the second from Val at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom. 

I’ve drawn a crude continuum to represent how I interpret these two posts - and my apologies to the authors if I’ve misrepresented them in any way!

Conflict is Not a Dirty Word



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When my first child reached the age to resist my instructions in earnest, I entered a phase of parenting that I dislike intensely: the Phase of Conflict. For years, I have been distressed by my children’s disobedience, the never-ending discipline required, the lack of peace I felt in our home, and the anger I felt during the times of conflict.

My first strategy to cope with absence of peace was to determine on obedience at all costs.  This resulted in more conflict, not less, so I kept looking for another solution.