For Moms in the Trenches

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 There have been times during my years as a parent when I thought I couldn’t keep going a moment longer due to a perfect storm of stress, lack of sleep, lack of wisdom, and/or lack of closeness with my loved ones. This post is written for others who may be enduring a bad time in the trenches right now.

Maxed Out on Friends?

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I’ve been comparing kindergarten experiences for my eldest son and my daughter over the past six months or so now.

(Note to non-Aussie readers: “kindergarten” refers to part-time schooling for kids who turn 4 before the middle of the school year.  Both of my children started at the beginning of our school year in February, but my son was age 3 years 9 months, while my daughter was age 4 years 3 months. I think the equivalent US term might be “preschool”, but I’m not sure, so I’ll stick with kindergarten.)

One of the many, many differences in these experiences has been my own friendships with the parents. 

How Do Kids Learn Social Skills?

Now that two of my three children are in school, I am learning a lot about how kids learn to socialise and make friends.

My youngest son is 2 years 9 months, and currently loves to interact with strangers and test his smiles and verbal skills. He is in the very early stages of learning about other people.

Job's Friends

I have been reading a little of Job in the past couple of days, and a few ideas have struck me:

• Job’s friends assumed he had done something wrong to open the door for catastrophe
• Job defended his innocence, and cried out for a hearing with God to protest injustice
• Job’s friends did not believe him
• Job tells his friends to stay silent; he speaks of them as mockers and enemies when he addresses God.
• Job’s friends continue to press their case
• God is angry with Job’s friends, because unlike Job, they have not spoken rightly about God.
• God tells Job’s friends to bring animals for Job to sacrifice to God on their behalf
• When Job prays for his friends, God restores his fortunes.

Reunions

I have always stayed far, far away from the various reunions I have been invited to over the years.

Something inside me cringes at the idea of making small-talk with people whom I knew very superficially in the past, have not kept in contact with, and have nothing in common with now except a memory of a shared location such as school, work-place, etc.

Asking for Help: Part 2

In addition to learning how to ask my husband for help, I’ve been learning to ask friends for help.

Recently, I got stuck after a period of unsuccessful job hunting, due to my tendency to focus on details rather than the big picture. So after realising that my husband was not the best one to talk to about this problem (as we work in entirely different industries), I decided to humble myself and approach a good friend of mine who is a professional life coach.

Friendship during bereavement

A classmate of my seven-year-old son passed away after a battle with cancer earlier this year. The parents as well as the children in the class were all affected by this boy’s death, as many of us had known the family for several years. I was not personally close to them, but God had led me to pray continually for him and his family.  

Speaking to friends about Jesus

Some of my friends know Jesus. Others think they know him, but they only know about him. Others don’t know him. Others don’t want to know him.

I am not a person who finds it easy or natural to share spiritual things with my friends, even those who I know are devoted Christians. But I also know that Jesus commands me to make disciples (Matthew 28:19), and to tell others what he has done for me. (Luke 12:8-9, 1 Peter 3:15).  So regardless of how I feel, I know I must speak when the time is right.

I have had the thrill of bringing one friend closer to Jesus recently through a shared love of books - I took the risk of sharing Christian novels with her, which opened the door for discussion about matters which had been closed off long ago. Other friends who are on my heart have not yet given any indication that they wish to speak about these things.

Do you prepare yourself to speak with friends about spiritual matters? Have you had the opportunity? If so, how did it go, and is there anything you would say differently next time?

Love languages in friendship

It has occurred to me recently, that Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages apply in female friendships, as well as in marriage and parenting.

It is very clear to me, at least, that where there is a community of women who are faced with a member who is suffering, that friends will attempt to help in different ways:

Friends in need

During our recent time of financial stress, we have been greatly blessed by some wonderful friends.  We have been given gifts of money and store vouchers, both anonymous and named; encouragement through wise counsel and prayer; gifts of food; and constant concern and care from all who know our trouble.

Online friends

I have no experience with social networking media – Facebook, Twitter, etc.  However I have been a member of several online groups for well over a year. During this time, I have seen so much encouragement, gracious help, humour, and wisdom from the other members that I think of them as friends, and would love to know these people in real life.

What do you think? Is it possible to be friends with someone whose character you know only through her own typed words? Whose life you cannot see or know? Whose integrity you cannot assess?

My best friend?

I know, I know, everywhere you go, everything you read, tells you that your spouse ‘should be’ your best friend. And maybe for you, that’s not quite the case? Relax.

I believe the marriage relationship is totally unique. It can be a lot like friendship, but it’s not exactly the same. My husband has a uniquely intimate knowledge of me, based on time together under the same roof.  My husband is also uniquely committed to our relationship. Therefore, he has the privilege of speaking into my life to encourage, or to give me a verbal ‘boot up the bum’ when needed. 

But he and I both know that if we get too critical, our relationship is damaged, and although we can try to pretend it didn’t happen, or we didn’t mean it, we have learned from experience that causing each other pain means putting in the effort to heal the wounds.  Unlike other friendships, the option of walking away when hurt just doesn’t exist.

What do you think? Are you ‘best friends’ with your spouse? Does that idea make you cringe inside?

Loneliness

...took me into depression, and nearly ended my life 10 years ago.

Are you lonely? I'd love to listen.

Good friends

I have three or four close friends with whom I feel comfortable sharing my inner world.  They have very different in personalities - some are so good at listening that I become talkative(!), others are feisty, energetic, sociable, or humble. 

But they all have one quality in common: they encourage me and do not judge, even when I make or repeat stupid mistakes.  They inspire me to be a better friend.

What qualities do you need in a good friend?