Christmas Invitation

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Every year, the logistics of Christmas celebrations in our family are complicated. Every year, one side of my family is far more organised than the other.  They plan in advance where and when we will celebrate together, and who will do what.  My sibling's relatives by marriage are also planners.

Our side of the family... not so much.

5 Top Communication Traps



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One of the aspects of being a parent that I find extremely frustrating is communication failure.  It drives me nuts when my child(ren) do not hear, do not acknowledge, or do not respond to my words.  Sometimes the failure is the child's lack of obedience.  However, far more often, the failure occurs on my part.

Flourishing During A Time of Waiting

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I’ve posted before about my search for employment, and it’s coming up to six months now, which seems like a handy time to reflect on the journey. I hope the lessons I’ve learned through this time will be of help.

• Tell people you trust
• Ask for help if and when you get stuck
• Ask for prayer. Prayer from friends and other believers is the main reason that I have left the initial emotional upheaval and negativity behind me, and moved on to acceptance and trust in God to provide work at the right time.
• Be prepared to consider options that have previously been out of the question, such as family daycare or other paid help. Question your previous convictions and take counsel.
• Don’t go to war with your spouse. This last point needs some expansion, as I have not posted about it previously. I am embarrassed to admit that have been (silently) at war with my husband for at least half of this time. Once our initial financial crisis eased, I did not see any reason for me to return to work, so I stopped looking. We had brief, painful discussions about this (both of us hate confrontation), and I reluctantly started searching and studying again. I am sorry now that I gave him such a hard time and added to his stress; I wish I had trusted that he was not my enemy, but that he had our family’s best interests in mind.
• Consider whether you need to update your skills, and if so, what is the most efficient method: work experience? going back to study? volunteering? something else?
• Trust that God has your situation under control, and wait on him to provide His best for you in His good time.
• Enjoy the journey! Make the most of the time you have with your children; put your heart into your study or work experience; do the best with what is in your hand right now.

Have you been looking for work? Did you flourish or just survive during that time of waiting? What would you do differently next time?

It's Not About Me

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 If there is one lesson I really, really, REALLY want to learn before I die, it’s that I am not the centre of the universe. I stub my toes on this truth at least once a week, painfully realising that again, I have taken offense, or jumped to conclusions, or criticized, or blamed, or judged, or, or, or... without pausing to consider Whose opinions truly matter in any moment.

Know Yourself

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Over the past ten years, it has become very clear to me that I need to understand my personal quirks, needs, and wants, to be successful in marriage and parenting.

When I realised that I am an introvert, I knew that I needed to plan alone-time into my daily schedule in order to function well as a mom.

When I understood that big-picture planning is not a personal strength, then I knew that I needed help from others to set goals for career, finances and family.

When I realised that I make decisions based on “gut feeling”, while my husband thoughtfully ponders the pros and cons, then I knew why we so often struggle to communicate our points of view, and that I needed to express my thoughts in a more logical way if I wanted him to understand me.

Do you think you understand yourself? How would you describe yourself to someone who doesn’t know you? What tools or strategies have you used to understand yourself?

How to Fight Depression Today

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Let me start by saying that apart from divine intervention (which I experienced, long story for another time), I don’t believe there are any quick fixes for depression.

However, there are a LOT of easy, small actions a depressed person can build into their daily life to help fight this condition and build a more hopeful mentality. 

Depression

Our culture has become much more open and knowledgeable about depression, but for me, being depressed meant being unable to ask for help; therefore, no-one knew I was suicidal. I survived only by the grace of God.

From the inside, depression turned my world gray. I had no hope for a better tomorrow. Life seemed pointless. Sadness and/or anxiety were daily companions.

From the inside, my depression felt like selfishness, self-pity, and self-condemnation (“why can’t I just snap out of this?!?”), all rolled into one choking cloud of smog which never cleared.

Asking for Help: Part 3

Asking God for help when I don’t know who else or where else to turn is an easy and natural thing for me.

However, I’m embarrassed to admit that I rarely wait long enough in prayer to hear from the Helper. I am usually so full of my circumstances and my stress that there is no space or quietness to hear his voice.

Asking for Help: Part 2

In addition to learning how to ask my husband for help, I’ve been learning to ask friends for help.

Recently, I got stuck after a period of unsuccessful job hunting, due to my tendency to focus on details rather than the big picture. So after realising that my husband was not the best one to talk to about this problem (as we work in entirely different industries), I decided to humble myself and approach a good friend of mine who is a professional life coach.

Asking for Help: Part 1

Asking for help is something that I am only just learning to do. 

When I got married at the advanced age of 30, I was astonished to discover that my dear husband couldn’t and didn’t want to read my mind. Of course, this caused much resentment and emotional pain for years, until I started following his exasperated requests to ask him for what I wanted.  When I started doing this, I was astonished to discover that it actually reduced quite a bit of the emotional upheaval I had been putting myself through.

An altar to God my Provider

I want to build an altar to God with my words tonight.

Listening to a friend talk about their family’s long-awaited financial prosperity, I had an ‘a-ha’ moment. I realised two things: first, that although we do not have the income or ‘secure’ employment of my friend’s family, God has been faithful to provide for everything we needed, at the time we most desperately needed it; and second, my fear was gone. I was able to listen to her joy without envy.

Tonight I am Ruth, who has found favour with Boaz in her time of great need. 

Who am I? Identity after children

I have heard many moms say lost their sense of self after their child was born, especially if they made the transition from working full-time to staying at home with the child full-time. It didn’t happen to me, but I can understand how easily it happens to many women.

Suddenly, any affirmation they had received from their previous employers, clients, and work-mates, disappeared; and they started a brand-new career with a huge learning curve, menial labour, long hours, 100% emotional engagement, overwhelming responsibility, and little positive feedback.

Update: early to bed, early to rise…

I have a vision of myself waking early enough in the morning so that I can spend time with my God in prayer and worship, soaking in his love, before any of the necessary activity starts for the day.

Well, I’m not quite where I want to be. Yet.

Socially acceptable addictions

Have you ever struggled with going to bed at the right time, because you’re online / reading / snacking / face-booking / etc? Or getting back to the housework or family, because you’re too busy having fun with a friend/shopping/etc…?

Yeah, me too. In fact, going to bed too late is a lifestyle for me, and something that I *know* I need to change. For me, the trap is reading – either online or books. For others, it’s tv. Or maybe the struggle is not with going to bed, but leaving the unnecessary stuff in the store is a major challenge. Or saying ‘no thanks’ to the extra piece of chocolate cake.

My point is that I think every one of us has an area of weakness, which over time develops into a habit. Have you ever thought of it as an addiction?