Submission: Letting Go of 'My Rights'

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This Advent, I have been thinking about submission.   

Jesus let go of his right to be considered equal with God. He humbled himself to become a human infant, vulnerable to all the brokenness of our world. He let go of his right to be king, and submitted to death on a cross. 

Philippians 2:5-8 tells us that our heart attitude should be the same:

     Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross! 

But the difficult part of submission is letting go of "my rights".

In a Christian marriage, husband and wife vow to love each other.  This includes respect, affection, kindness, patience, encouragement, and much more.

When we don't receive love - when we feel neglected, or criticised, or disrespected; when we receive unkindness or discouragement; we know that this is not right.  We know that we deserve better.  We know that the other spouse is sinning against us and against God.

It is at this moment that we have a choice.  To react with anger, sarcasm, hostility, silent withdrawal, vengefulness, bitterness or hatred; or to respond with love, forgiveness, and submission*.

Submission means letting go of our entitlement to love from our spouse. Letting go of our expectation that our spouse will fulfill his or her vows.  It means praying "God, this treatment is not fair, it is not loving, and it hurts. Help me to forgive. Thank you for loving me. Help me to love my spouse now, in this moment."

Love might mean confrontation. It might mean turning away wrath with a gentle answer.  It may mean removing oneself from the situation to cool down.  It may mean talking with a friend or counsellor.  There are many more actions that love might take.  But the heart will always be the same: the desire to bless the spouse, coupled with a determination to put aside ones' rights.

I have recently renewed my commitment to submission within my marriage.  Will you join me?

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*NB: I am NOT condoning spousal abuse.  I do not believe God requires us to accept abuse for ourselves or our children.