Conflict is Not a Dirty Word



Image credit

When my first child reached the age to resist my instructions in earnest, I entered a phase of parenting that I dislike intensely: the Phase of Conflict. For years, I have been distressed by my children’s disobedience, the never-ending discipline required, the lack of peace I felt in our home, and the anger I felt during the times of conflict.

My first strategy to cope with absence of peace was to determine on obedience at all costs.  This resulted in more conflict, not less, so I kept looking for another solution.

Next, I started looking for information on how to manage our time together better, so that my child did not have so much opportunity to get into trouble.

I also started working on myself and replacing my tendency towards anger with patience and gentleness.

At the same time, I started looking for help from like-minded moms.

A few years later, I had the sudden realisation that God is still present in times of chaos, strife, and sin.  He is the God who draws near to us, and who will never leave us or forsake us.  Therefore, absence of peace in the home does NOT indicate that God is absent.

Now, I am learning that peace in the family is a good and holy aim, but that conflict is not necessarily a dirty word.  As a parent, it is my God-given duty to be firm and uphold His standards when my children are going wrong; and this inevitably creates conflict.

My children feel anger at being corrected; they whine, protest, kick and scream. I am not perfect, so I still react to their anger in un-lovely ways. Conflict still churns me up inside, and I require time and space to process events and my emotions afterwards. But I think I am beginning to accept that it is necessary.

Do you find yourself desiring peace at all costs, or do you accept conflict as a natural part of parenting? What do you do to process the times of conflict?