How Do Kids Learn Social Skills?

Now that two of my three children are in school, I am learning a lot about how kids learn to socialise and make friends.

My youngest son is 2 years 9 months, and currently loves to interact with strangers and test his smiles and verbal skills. He is in the very early stages of learning about other people.

My daughter is almost five, and loves to talk about herself and learn about the world around her, but her experience of friendship is quite shallow and experimental. She will often tell me that so-and-so is ‘not my friend’ but her basis for this could be something as simple as the absence of a smile from the friend at the time she was looking. She is learning how people react when she acts in certain ways.

My eldest son is seven, and likes to observe people and what they are doing. However, he requires support in developing social skills such as taking turns in conversation; asking questions about his friends’ interests; using eye contact and appropriate body language; and ways to join or graciously decline in playground games at school.

I have concluded that there is something inside each of us, apart from age, personality, or gender, that determines how we learn the skills of relating well with others. Some, like my daughter, learn mostly by experimenting. Some, like my eldest son, learn mostly by instruction. And some, like my youngest son, seem to know how to turn on the charm by instinct from birth.

How do you think your children are learning to relate well with others? Are you concerned about their social development in any way?