It made me think back to the year following my second child’s birth. I did not cope very well with the normal parenting stresses during this phase – toilet training, developmental leaps, napping issues, tantrums, speech delay, and starting kindy (Australian preschool). In fact, I yelled daily at my children.
I am not proud of this, but I did learn a lot, and I would like to offer the following to other moms who may be in the middle of a similar experience:
- Anger is a normal, natural response when you are frustrated, tired, stressed, or don’t know what to do
- Anger alerts you that something is wrong. Often, it highlights lack of patience in the parent; often it highlights character issues in the child. Both need to be addressed.
- Anger does not help you work out solutions
- Anger like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it grows and the more natural it is to use it the next time
- Patience is also like a muscle. If you choose to be patient in a given situation, instead of choosing to be angry, your patience will grow and your anger response will be weakened.
Constant prayer for increased patience and wisdom was the way I started to deal with my anger. And I can confidently say that I am no longer the same angry mother that I was then.
What makes you angry with your child? Do you feel as if you are constantly angry? What helps you to regain patience and calm?
3 comments:
I love what you said about both anger and patience being like muscles that can be strengthened with use. My patience has grown through use and also prayer and devotions. I know the two things that lead me to anger almost 100% of the time: 1) fatigue and 2) trying to accomplish one of my own pet projects while children are "interrupting" me.
Yes, I find that to be true for me too, Kristy. Children certainly demand us to be fully present, don't they? And fatigue, and other projects, take us away mentally.
With fatigue, what I've found helpful is to analyse and separate my physical and emotional sensations - to list out the effects of fatigue (my eyes are blurry, my body aches here, my mind is a bit foggy). Somehow, acknowledging and identifying my physical tiredness reduces it's power to fuel my anger.
I'm so glad God is patient with us while we are slowly strengthening our muscles!
This is amazingly helpful. I can see how listing the physical effects of fatigue would separate them from the emotional effects and make my reactions clearer to me. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13). If I accept the ever-present help, that is.
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