Ginger Plowman: Don’t Make Me Count to Three!

At the time I found this book, I was desperate for some practical advice on how to use scripture in day-to-day discipline, particularly with my eldest child.

I knew I needed a model - a mom whose values and beliefs were similar to mine, who could show me how to do what I knew needed to be done.

Getting to know you: childcare choices

I’d love to hear your stories about the type and amount of paid childcare you use (if any). 

Were your choices limited by finances, location, availability of providers, or any other factor?
Was your choice influenced by your personal beliefs and values? If so, how?
Did you anticipate any issues in transitioning your child into care?
Did your child experience any issues in transition?

Asking for Help: Part 1

Asking for help is something that I am only just learning to do. 

When I got married at the advanced age of 30, I was astonished to discover that my dear husband couldn’t and didn’t want to read my mind. Of course, this caused much resentment and emotional pain for years, until I started following his exasperated requests to ask him for what I wanted.  When I started doing this, I was astonished to discover that it actually reduced quite a bit of the emotional upheaval I had been putting myself through.

Monitoring Cashflow

During a chat on the phone with a friend recently, I happened to mention that I was glad she called, because I could take a break from the paperwork. She was astounded, and pitying, when she discovered that I meant I was reconciling our bank accounts with our expense receipts, recording our future bills as they arrive, and ensuring that we had sufficient cashflow to cover our bills for the next few weeks.

What if it's true...? Part 6: God heals us

If you feel anger rising up at these words, if the bitter thought of 'I tried believing for healing, and it didn't work' creeps in, please don't turn away just yet.  Could it be that every time hope was crushed, every time prayer was seemingly unanswered, every time someone failed to get well, that God was pleading with us to come back to his Word and learn who is to truly to blame, and what we need to do to experience victory?

Could it be that we would see healing for ourselves and our loved ones...

Two approaches to potty training

Potty training. How do those words make you feel? Is that a groan I hear? :-)

I have been through this process twice now, with a boy and a girl, and am currently in the middle of it again with another boy. I hope that the things I’ve learned may be of some help to some of you!

First method:

• read all the current potty training literature
• decide to wait until the child is “ready”. Start training at 2 years 9 months when there are no indications that he will ever be ready, and you are sick of changing diapers for 2 children.
• go hard for a week, on your own, washing poop and pee out of underwear and clothing every day. One success for the week, which you know was an accident. Feel that the child has an attitude problem rather than an understanding issue, in spite of a significant language delay.
• get stressed, angry, and escalate consequences, even though you know this will not help you or the child
• give up for a month
• keep trying with different motivators for about 6 months. Poop and pee accidents continue daily.
• talk to a friend who suggests M&M food rewards as per dog training principles.
• start M&Ms with a few more successes. Continue for 2 months more. Poop and pee accidents continue every second day.
• at 3.5 years, decide enough is enough, and throw away diapers for night and day. Tell child that he will stop making messes on day X. put the potty chair in the bedroom for early morning, and put waterproof sheets on the bed. Mentally prepare for accidents in the bed.
• Be amazed by complete overnight success. Daytime pee accidents dwindle to 1 or 2 per week, completely trained in 2 months.

the end.

Second method:

Daytime training:

• start child between 12-18 months on potty chair inside bathtub, once a day, with books. First goal is for child to be comfortable sitting for 15 minutes. Child achieves this within a week. Many pee & poop successes in this time.
• Second goal is for child to sit twice a day, unsupervised.  Child achieves this within 2 weeks.
• Third goal is for child to sit after each meal, and increase number of successes. Continue doing this until child is 21 months. Be amazed by early signs of physical awareness (holding diaper when wet, telling mom, etc).
• Try underwear on days at home. Use whatever combination is least stressful, eg diapers or pullups when out, diapers for naps and bedtime, underwear only when you are able to devote 90% attention to child for the morning or afternoon.
• Move child to toilet when physically large enough (about two years). Gradually remove supervision and lengthen sitting time to 10-15mins to increase chances of success. Keep to routine. Do not expect child to initiate, but respond if he/she does.
• Continue to gradually teach skills, language and concepts - pulling clothing up and down, wet and dry, wiping, poop and pee, “tell mom”, etc.
• When child is ready to initiate, praise extensively, and help only as much as necessary.

Nighttime training:

• wait until child has physical capacity to sleep all night without wetting (approx between 3 -4 years).  Remove pjs pants, diapers, and underwear - bare bottom only in bed. Get child up for “dream pee” before you go to sleep. Expect accidents. Expect early morning wake-ups.
• When child is able to go from dream pee to morning without wetting, try skipping the dream pee. If child wets, continue DP for another 2 weeks, then try again.
• Continue until child is able to go from bedtime to morning without wetting.

the end.

What method are you using?

Speaking to friends about Jesus

Some of my friends know Jesus. Others think they know him, but they only know about him. Others don’t know him. Others don’t want to know him.

I am not a person who finds it easy or natural to share spiritual things with my friends, even those who I know are devoted Christians. But I also know that Jesus commands me to make disciples (Matthew 28:19), and to tell others what he has done for me. (Luke 12:8-9, 1 Peter 3:15).  So regardless of how I feel, I know I must speak when the time is right.

I have had the thrill of bringing one friend closer to Jesus recently through a shared love of books - I took the risk of sharing Christian novels with her, which opened the door for discussion about matters which had been closed off long ago. Other friends who are on my heart have not yet given any indication that they wish to speak about these things.

Do you prepare yourself to speak with friends about spiritual matters? Have you had the opportunity? If so, how did it go, and is there anything you would say differently next time?

What's in your fridge?

I have 2 fridges - one small, the other smaller :-). So for this exercise, I’m pretending that I have everything inside one large fridge. Also, Tuesday is the day I go grocery shopping, so I’m going to list out what I have in my fridge when it’s full, not when it’s empty (like today). So here’s what I normally have:

Mel Hayde: Terrific Toddlers 2: Building Happy, Healthy Hearts!

This book continues on where Terrific Toddlers (One) ended. It is written for parents who have implemented a flexible routine as outlined in TT1, and are wondering ‘what next?’. The book is based on Christian principles, and includes Scripture references following each chapter, but the language is easily accessible by unchurched and non-Christian families.

In Mel’s own words, TT2 “aims to give you just a few ideas on how to move to the next and most enjoyable part of parenting. Building happy, healthy hearts.” (TT2, Introduction).  

Getting to know you: returning to work after children

I’d love to hear your stories about returning to work after your children were born.

What influenced your decision to return to work?
Did you question your decision?
What was the deciding factor for you?
How did you feel after you were committed to this path?

School holidays routine

We are on day 3 of school hols right now, and I have mixed feelings. It's wonderful to have the freedom to stay home each day; but it's not so wonderful dealing with the non-stop demand for attention by my school-age child in addition to the needs of the younger two.

An altar to God my Provider

I want to build an altar to God with my words tonight.

Listening to a friend talk about their family’s long-awaited financial prosperity, I had an ‘a-ha’ moment. I realised two things: first, that although we do not have the income or ‘secure’ employment of my friend’s family, God has been faithful to provide for everything we needed, at the time we most desperately needed it; and second, my fear was gone. I was able to listen to her joy without envy.

Tonight I am Ruth, who has found favour with Boaz in her time of great need. 

Should we tithe when money is tight?

One of the few Christian teachings I have been able to obey without question right from the very start is that of tithing: giving ten percent of income to the church in which I am a member.

When I went on maternity leave and we started living on one income, calculating our tithe became trickier, as my husband is self-employed. We decided to tithe on the amount he earned after taxes and materials (cost of business) were deducted.

During our recent time of financial hardship, I felt that God was challenging us to tithe on our gross income, before taxes etc, actually increasing our giving when it seemed we could least afford it. I ignored this prompting for some time, but God was persistent, and eventually I submitted.

What if it’s true...? Part 5: God disciplines those he loves

God has been disciplining me. I have been through a month of spiritual lows, mixed with a few days of absolute grace, and the cause is my own stubbornness.

The outward problem seems so trivial, that I don’t feel that I can discuss it meaningfully with anyone. in person The problem, purely and simply, was that I could not, and would not, get out of bed at a time early enough to pray and worship before the family day began.   Remember this post? And this one?  Simple! my mind said. Go to bed earlier! Set the alarm! Try harder!

But during this month, God has revealed a heart problem that I never knew existed. He showed me that I loved my own comfort more than I loved him.

I have always thought of myself as a disciplined person; and because I have small children, I felt justified in staying in bed as long as possible so that I could “get my sleep”. So all these years that he has been calling, whispering, and nudging... I have not responded. I have literally turned over in bed and gone back to sleep, completely blind to my sin.

What finally opened my eyes, and softened my heart, was the wretchedness I felt this month, the daily forgiveness and grace the Lord gave me, and ultimately his voice in this post about idolatry. Since then, I have been working out my salvation in fear and trembling and early rising; may God give me the grace to continue.

Please take heart if you find yourself in circumstances that are outwardly similar. I am certainly not saying this sin is true of anyone else. God knows your heart, just as he knows mine. You and your time management, including sleep, waking, prayer, worship, etc, are completely between you and the Lord, and what the Lord requires of me is NOT a command for anyone else.  Please do NOT blindly take upon yourself the correction that the Lord gave me, but rather take it in prayer to the Lord if you sense him speaking to you.

GEMS night

I really enjoy going to GEMS once a month. It is a ministry of Growing Families Australia, and designed to encourage and teach moms who have participated in any of the GFA courses.

I have not had the opportunity to participate in any of the GFA courses, but I have read and used the paperback -wise series at home for some years now, which is the secular version of the GFI materials.

I am therefore very interested in the material that is covered at GEMS, and the ladies have generously welcomed me and shared their wisdom for almost two years.

Topics we have covered so far this year are:

• Understanding the Funnel
• Training Preschoolers
• Godly Submission (in marriage)
• Training K - 5th grade
• Love Languages of children

Last night's topic was based on this book:

The presenter introduced the topic by reflecting on how often we mums look at and discipline outward (problematic) behaviour, without pausing to consider whether it is a symptom of a child who feels unloved. From there, she went on to cover 3 of the love languages in detail, with examples from her own family.

I have gained a lot of wisdom from this group, and I honour them for their generosity.  Thank you, GEMS! 

Love languages in friendship

It has occurred to me recently, that Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages apply in female friendships, as well as in marriage and parenting.

It is very clear to me, at least, that where there is a community of women who are faced with a member who is suffering, that friends will attempt to help in different ways:

What's in your pantry?

Seriously, I'm interested. :-)

My pantry is a collection of 4 upper and 3 lower kitchen cupboards. Small is a word that describes is perfectly. I also have a large pantry unit that I inherited when my parents renovated their kitchen, but unfortunately it does not fit in my kitchen, and so has been demoted to crockery storage.

So what food do I keep in my pantry? Well, my small grocery budget means that I drastically limit the type and quantity of canned and packet foods I store, so that I can use the money for fresh fruit & veg, dairy, and meat. Here is a sample of what I commonly have on hand in the pantry:

Kim Stanley Robinson: Mars trilogy

The first time I saw this trilogy, I was browsing a bookstore in search of new reading material, and I was immediately hooked, buying the trilogy after reading two pages of Red Mars. Robinson’s “what if” is simple: what if humankind colonised Mars? But he works out this thought in thorough detail across 3 hefty volumes.

A team of one hundred scientists, experts in their fields, are painstakingly selected to colonise Mars, with no expectation that they will ever return to Earth. In the process of travelling to and colonising Mars, Robinson includes many plot twists and changes in point of view, until one feels as if one is a member of the team experiencing and modifying this amazing new world.

Throughout the series, Robinson uses his knowledge of fields as diverse as geology, biology, psychology, politics, gerontology, hydrology, physics, solar astronomy, vulcanism, meteorology, and many more, to paint a totally believable picture of mankind expanding out from Earth.

This trilogy feels like history which hasn’t occurred yet; and that is IMHO the highest possible praise for a work of science fiction.

Enjoy!

Balancing blogging and real life

By nature, I am an introvert who loves to read, listen, question, think, and write. So I have found that blogging is a natural and delightful fit.  I find myself constantly thinking of post ideas while doing housework or taking care of children; thinking about replies to comments and emails in my ‘free’ time; and researching ways to make the blog more entertaining, informative, and helpful, way past my bedtime.