I have heard many moms say lost their sense of self after their child was born, especially if they made the transition from working full-time to staying at home with the child full-time. It didn’t happen to me, but I can understand how easily it happens to many women.
Suddenly, any affirmation they had received from their previous employers, clients, and work-mates, disappeared; and they started a brand-new career with a huge learning curve, menial labour, long hours, 100% emotional engagement, overwhelming responsibility, and little positive feedback.
After you had your first child, did you go through a period of wondering who on earth was this person in the mirror? If this happened to you, how did you go about re-discovering your identity?
3 comments:
Hi Penny!
This post totally resonated with me. I was a teacher for 10 years before I had my DS, a drama teacher at that. While working, I spent ALL my time at school with the kids working on the next big play, so I had major culture shock when I had to stay home. As much as I was excited to have a little one, I felt every one of the things you listed above about starting a brand new career. My husband and I also moved to a new state 7 weeks after DS was born to start a church. So not only was I a "new" mother, but I was also trying to feel my way into my role as "pastor's wife" too. DS is now 3 and it has taken me just about that long to figure out my role in the church and to get my "groove" on as a mother, but I am totally loving it all now! I wish I could say what I did to re-discover myself, but I can't pinpoint any one certain thing. I did spend a lot of time praying, though, and that has helped a lot! I also joined "Chronicles of a BabyWise Mom" online and it helped to hear stories from other moms who were dealing with the same issues I was/am. I've gotten involved in outings in our community and found a great group of mom's at my church who do play dates together. That has all helped me tremendously.
I guess that I'm all into now and kinda know the ropes, it's time to start planning for number two! :)
Thanks for sharing Selina. Wow you certainly did have a big transition to deal with!
Did you have anyone to validate the size of the changes you were dealing with? It's easy when looking back to realise that we just need time to adjust, but so hard when we're in the middle of it.
Unfortunately, no I did not have anyone to validate my feelings. I soooo wish that I had, though. Everything was so new...the baby, the town, the people, our house, everything! It was extremely difficult. I really hadn't planned on it being that hard, but we never do, do we? It was really good for me, though. Having a child has taught me so much about myself...good things and things I needed to work on too. Looking back on the last three years, I can tell where I've grown so much. But like you said, it was soooo hard in the middle of it all!
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