When You Don't Like Your Kids



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There have been times in my life when I found my children adorable, cute, and a blessing.

 

There have been other times when I did not like them at all.

 

Usually, it is one child who is going through a developmental phase of challenge or conflict, not all three children at the same time (thank goodness!); but it is still a very uncomfortable feeling for this mom to realise “I love you, but I really don’t like you at all right now”.

 

Here’s what I do when this happens:

• recognise it and admit it.
• start analysing what is wrong in the relationship and why.
• What exactly is annoying me?
• Is it an issue with the child, or with myself?
• Does the child have a need that is not being met (adequate sleep, exercise, mental stimulation, social interaction, firm boundaries, loving nurture, etc)?
• Do I have a need that is not being met, or that is being met in an unhealthy way?
• Is it a behaviour we can work on together, or is it a phase that will end when the underlying condition is over (eg sickness, moving house, etc) ?
• if I don’t know what, or why, I start praying, reading and asking around.  I talk to friends and/or professionals. Often, I find that someone has “been there, done that” and can offer valuable advice.
• fake it. The child needs love, regardless of whether he or she is being lovable. So I do my best to hug, praise, involve, and play with the child (some days more successfully than others).
• discipline my thought patterns. Replace the negative thoughts about the child with positive, Scriptural thoughts, and do my best to focus on what is good in the child.

 

Do you have days like this? What do you do?