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| Jacob Willemsz Delff: Portrait of a Boy, Aged 2 |
Training my children to help with housework is something I value highly. Why?
- I believe that in a family, everyone should help to the best of their ability with the tasks required to keep a clean and tidy home.
- I believe that those who make messes should learn to clean them up.
- I believe that part of a parent’s job is to train children with a long-term goal of independent living, which includes basic housekeeping skills.
- I believe that a healthy attitude to work starts in the home.
- Finally, as much as I love him, my husband’s strengths do not include a love of order, and I want to pass on my own love of order to our children.
So I start when my children are mobile enough to help, and mature enough to understand and follow an instruction - somewhere between 18 months and 2 years. I have found that at this age, my children are very keen to help, and are bored with the usual ‘baby’ toys and occupations - they are ready to start learning ‘real’ work. In addition, at this age, they are usually down to 1 nap a day, and have oodles of time to spare. Chore training is one way of keeping them out of mischief!
I don’t have a detailed plan at this age. I start by taking the toddler with me to whatever room I am working in, and giving them a small, repetitive job to do, while teaching them a few simple, appropriate phrases like ‘help mommy’, ‘time for jobs’, ‘put in the basket’, etc, and giving constant praise.
For example, at this age, I would hand the toddler one item of dry laundry from the line, and ask him/her to place it in the basket for me, while I quickly put a few items in myself to give him/her the idea. The task is my responsibility to complete, but I am modelling and teaching the child the motions and words associated with the task.
I do the same with other tasks, such as bathroom cleaning, emptying the dishwasher, putting away clean laundry, and even dusting.
I try to schedule the chore training at roughly the same time each day, so that the toddler knows what to expect. This minimises resistance. But when they do resist, I treat this as a discipline issue, and insist on compliance. I have found that resistance usually ends fairly quickly once a routine has been established and they know that ‘helping mom’ is a cheerful and enjoyable time of togetherness.
Do you train your toddlers to help with chores? If so, what process do you use?
I don’t have a detailed plan at this age. I start by taking the toddler with me to whatever room I am working in, and giving them a small, repetitive job to do, while teaching them a few simple, appropriate phrases like ‘help mommy’, ‘time for jobs’, ‘put in the basket’, etc, and giving constant praise.
For example, at this age, I would hand the toddler one item of dry laundry from the line, and ask him/her to place it in the basket for me, while I quickly put a few items in myself to give him/her the idea. The task is my responsibility to complete, but I am modelling and teaching the child the motions and words associated with the task.
I do the same with other tasks, such as bathroom cleaning, emptying the dishwasher, putting away clean laundry, and even dusting.
I try to schedule the chore training at roughly the same time each day, so that the toddler knows what to expect. This minimises resistance. But when they do resist, I treat this as a discipline issue, and insist on compliance. I have found that resistance usually ends fairly quickly once a routine has been established and they know that ‘helping mom’ is a cheerful and enjoyable time of togetherness.
Do you train your toddlers to help with chores? If so, what process do you use?
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6 comments:
Great timing on this post Penny - I have been recently thinking about how to start chore training with my DS, so this is a good starting point for us! Do you find that your children learn quickly what is expected of them? Or does it take a fair bit of time for them to actually learn to be helpful? For example, my son likes to put things (like dry laundry) into the basket, but also likes to then take them out again - such a fun game! How much do you think I should focus on just letting him have fun, as opposed to trying to teach him to follow the instructions more closely?
Jo
Hmmm... in that situation, I let them have their fun for the first couple of sessions, then I gradually start raising my expectations and expanding vocab at the same time. ("uh oh, washing stays IN the basket").
I also try to limit the mess they can make - so for example, my laundry basket is on a trolley high enough so toddler can't get things out of it again (like a bassinet).
But don't get me wrong, I've made plenty of mistakes along the way too. Most times I just try the task with my child first to see how to tailor it to their ability and concentration span, and in the process it can get pretty messy!
Hi Penny,
I know you have older children, too, so what do you expect of them? I don't know the exact ages of your children but I'm wondering what you expect out of a three year old. Now, my daughter picks up all of her own messes before nap and bed, and before bed she helps me pick up any toys in the living room that her 9 month old sister was playing with. When I'm folding laundry she hands it to me from the basket. She has to put her shoes and coat away if they are out at the door also at the end of the day. Other than that, I haven't worked much with her on chores. Do you expect them to make their beds at this age? I am wary about her helping with the dishes or dishwasher because everything is breakable, sharp or too high for her to reach. I should have her help clear the table I suppose. Anything else?
Hi Liz!
Good question, and I'm planning a follow-up post on chore-training preschoolers - stay tuned!
For your daughter, it sort of depends whether she is a young three or an older three. For a young three, what you are doing sounds just fine to me. For an older three year old, I would start building 1 or 2 daily chores into her routine; something repetitive and fairly straightforward that she can do on her own (eg set the dinner table, or put laundry into the washer).
I will cover this in more detail in my follow-up post, I promise!
And no, I don't expect them to make beds until much older (like 5.5). But I do expect them to keep their toys/pjs/bedclothes on the bed from about 3.5 on.
She turned three at the end of August. I look forward to your follow up post!
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