A classmate of my seven-year-old son passed away after a battle with cancer earlier this year. The parents as well as the children in the class were all affected by this boy’s death, as many of us had known the family for several years. I was not personally close to them, but God had led me to pray continually for him and his family.
During his sickness, and after his death, I participated in the various supportive gestures that were organised by the class P&F representative; but I longed to do more. It is the first time I have been involved with a friend suffering bereavement, and I was not close enough to her to offer the listening ear that was my natural impulse. All I could do was to let her know I was praying for her, and grieve with her.
Have you walked with a friend through a bereavement? What did you find was the most helpful thing that you did during that time? What was the least helpful? In hindsight, what do you wish you had done?
2 comments:
Wow, this is a very deep post to try to write a reply to! But I will try :) One of my close friends lost her mom to cancer while we lived together in college. She was very internal, so she liked to handle it on her own. The best thing for her was to give her space, but be available when she was ready. So when she popped out of her room and said, "who wants to watch tv with me?" or go to wendy's or go for a run, it was important to go. One thing I wish I had done differently was call her and visit more often (especially on holidays and special mile stones) after I got married (Her mom passed the day before my wedding). It was hard not to be consumed with being newly married though since we had a rough start to our marriage. \
Also, it helped (in a weird way) that the year we lived together every person in our house (of 4 girls) lost someone. I lost my grandfather and both other girls lost an aunt. It helped that we all had a safe place to grieve and being close to one another was of great comfort. On the flip side, later my husband and I lost a baby due to miscarriage and it was so nice when people would invite us to come sit with them and do something mindless (watch tv, eat dinner) and not expect us to be great at the social thing. Meals were so helpful as were little things like cards and friends bringing my favorite coffee drink.
Bereavement is topic close to my heart since I have been on both sides of it. I am like you Penny. My first instinct is to lend a listening ear. It is hard when that's not really an option. Great topic!
Thanks for sharing, Rachel.
I like your point about having a place where people don't expect anything from you, but just let you be with them. It sounds like you figured that out early in life through your experience with your friend - good for you!
I think I could do better at being that friend - just be there, rather than talk, talk, talk.
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