Does Good Parenting Equal Great Kids?

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Two recent, very different, blog posts from writers and moms I greatly respect, have sparked some thoughts in my mind. The first post was from Susan at Heart Pondering, the second from Val at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom. 

I’ve drawn a crude continuum to represent how I interpret these two posts - and my apologies to the authors if I’ve misrepresented them in any way!

Conflict is Not a Dirty Word



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When my first child reached the age to resist my instructions in earnest, I entered a phase of parenting that I dislike intensely: the Phase of Conflict. For years, I have been distressed by my children’s disobedience, the never-ending discipline required, the lack of peace I felt in our home, and the anger I felt during the times of conflict.

My first strategy to cope with absence of peace was to determine on obedience at all costs.  This resulted in more conflict, not less, so I kept looking for another solution.

How to Create a Low Sugar Childhood

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I am a sugarholic. I am addicted to the taste of sugar, and for quite a few years now, I have been fighting to control my sugar intake in the interests of my health and spiritual well-being. I am very aware of the problems with sugar in my diet; if you would like more information, a good reference is David Gillespie's Sweet Poison.

I can trace this taste for sugar back to my childhood, when I was given sweet desserts nearly every dinner-time, biscuits and treats for my school lunch-box, and pocket money to spend on sweets on the weekend. But even with all this, I still raided the pantry at night in search of sugar. :-(

This is not an issue I wanted my children to have to deal with, so when my first child was starting solids, I was determined that NO SUGAR would be permitted into his diet. My thinking was that if I could shape his tastes to exclude sugar, then he would be much less likely to over-indulge on sweets as an older child and an adult. I think I succeeded; his first taste of cake was on his second birthday, and his first ice-cream was after the age of 3. My other children have enjoyed sweet treats a little earlier than he did, but it is not a regular part of our family diet. Here’s how we did it:

Lawrence J Cohen: Playful Parenting

After the first glance, I put this book back on the shelf. But some months later, I realised I needed some help in lightening the mood of the interactions in our home, and I picked it up again. And this time, I read it.

Time Management for Busy Moms 2: First Baby

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When our first baby was born, I had no plan. I had read and agreed with the principles outlined in Baby Wise, but I had no idea how I would manage household tasks as well as infant care. And I think that this is normal and appropriate for a rookie mom!!!! 

Although my baby soon settled into a comfortable eat-wake-sleep routine, we had nursing issues which meant that a lot of naptime was spent in pumping milk for the baby. So to handle the housework, I sacrificed sleep. This is not a strategy I would recommend to anyone!

Having learned from my experience, this is what I would advise a first-time mom, assuming that there are no medical issues with mom or baby:

Time Management for Busy Moms 1: Why?

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Becoming a mother for the first time involves a huge learning curve in many areas of life. One blogger compares it to a change of career, and I agree.

One of the many skills a new mother is required to learn is time management in the family. By this, I mean creating a plan to manage the time required for all the responsibilities that come with nurturing a family. Time for feeding babies and preparing meals; times for work, play, and rest, in appropriate balance.

This series describes the process by which I have planned our family’s time over the years, and some mistakes I have made along the way!

How to Fight Depression Today

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Let me start by saying that apart from divine intervention (which I experienced, long story for another time), I don’t believe there are any quick fixes for depression.

However, there are a LOT of easy, small actions a depressed person can build into their daily life to help fight this condition and build a more hopeful mentality. 

Why I Bother Learning Old-Fashioned Skills: Sewing

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One of the skills I learned as a young girl from my mother was to sew. She taught me the basic stitches of plain sewing and embroidery, and when I reached secondary school, I enrolled in lessons in machine sewing. I learned to measure and cut to a pattern, pin, sew, and finish the garments. 

I learned to sew mainly because I enjoyed it, and embroidery in particular was my favourite hobby for a number of years.

The-Day-Before-Church Syndrome

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I have noticed a pattern at home during the day and evening before my husband and I are due to serve on our fortnightly roster in our local church.  On these days, our family relationships seem to go sour very quickly, illnesses start or suddenly peak, and sleep disturbances in the younger ones are almost predictable.

Toddler Bed Transitions

When the time was ripe to move our eldest son from his crib to a big boy bed, I didn’t know enough to be concerned.   So we took him along when we bought the bed, and told him it would be his new bed (he seemed very excited).   We then took it home, set it up in his room, and took down the crib, all in one afternoon.  That night, he had his first sleep in the big bed, and amazingly, we had no problems with the transition.

Now that I have been a parent a bit longer, I know that not all kids deal with change this easily.  My youngest son, while a very placid, happy, charming boy, does not like big changes in his personal environment, and has been like this from infancy.

So when it came to transitioning him from the crib at age 2 years 3 months, we knew we needed to take it in baby steps.  I hope these will help you if you are dealing with a child like ours who doesn’t like change!

How Do Kids Learn Social Skills?

Now that two of my three children are in school, I am learning a lot about how kids learn to socialise and make friends.

My youngest son is 2 years 9 months, and currently loves to interact with strangers and test his smiles and verbal skills. He is in the very early stages of learning about other people.

Grocery Shopping with Children

I remember feeling very anxious about going grocery shopping when my first child was a baby. What if he cried? What if we took too long and missed his nap time? How would I manage getting him in and out of the trolley and the car, along with all the bags?

Now, when I look back, those days were laughably simple. Now, I know that I am capable of completing a trip to the grocery store with 3 mobile, talkative, and active children. Here are some tips I’ve learned through the years:

C.S. Lewis: The Magician’s Nephew

I love, love, love the Narnia books. They were some of the very first chapter books I read as a young girl, and I love them still. Possibly my favourite of the series is the one that explains the beginnings of Narnia: The Magician’s Nephew.

(Sidenote: I am starting to sense a theme in my personal favourites; I favour the Silmarillion even higher than The Lord of the Rings series too).

(Sidenote 2: The Narnia movies, with the exception of the first -The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - are in my opinion desecrations of what CS Lewis so beautifully wrote).

Ahem. Back to The Magician’s Nephew. I love it because:

Going Back to Study

For the past few weeks, I have been using my daycare day for work-related study, so that I can update my cv and impress potential employers.

This is the fourth time I have commenced work-related study, but never before have I had such a long break from work.   My inner nerd has been dead and buried for the past five years, since I resigned following maternity leave, so getting back into the zone has not been easy.   But slowly, I am making progress, and my inner nerd is starting to live again.

Have you had to study after a break from work? What was the hardest part? What was the easiest?

Depression

Our culture has become much more open and knowledgeable about depression, but for me, being depressed meant being unable to ask for help; therefore, no-one knew I was suicidal. I survived only by the grace of God.

From the inside, depression turned my world gray. I had no hope for a better tomorrow. Life seemed pointless. Sadness and/or anxiety were daily companions.

From the inside, my depression felt like selfishness, self-pity, and self-condemnation (“why can’t I just snap out of this?!?”), all rolled into one choking cloud of smog which never cleared.

Monitoring Cashflow: Part 2

In July, the new financial year started, and every year, there is a bunch of electronic paperwork associated with this.

One task required at this time of year is rolling over into a new cashflow file. This year, I was determined to find something a little less labour-intensive than my old Excel spreadsheet, so I looked around a bit before I commenced.

The new file is also an Excel spreadsheet, but after having used it for a couple of months now, I am really happy with it.  It is based on a Microsoft template, but I have modified it considerably to show the detail that I need. I can no longer find the source on the Microsoft website, so I have uploaded it to Google Docs here. Please let me know if you have problems viewing the file, as I am a complete novice with Google Docs and may have missed something vital like permissions!

These are the basic features I love in the new template:

What if it's true...? Part 9: One Flesh

I have a confession to make: I am not a good wife.  I started out ten years ago with the best of intentions, but also with the hidden, prideful idea that since I was already nearly perfect, it was my husband who would have to do most of the growing and changing in our relationship.

Ugly, hey? And though I would have denied it if you had read my mind and confronted me, that was honestly how I felt.

Then the honeymoon was over, the years came and went, and the children came, and the financial pressures, and everything else life throws at you... and I began to realise that I’m not perfect. Not even close.

Starting Family Daycare

My two younger children started at family daycare last week. They are booked in for one day a week to make it possible for me to start working. I have not yet landed a job, but my DH felt we should go ahead with daycare now.

The children started for a half day only, after visiting to play a few times while I met the caregiver and talked through our concerns. There were several:

• would my almost-3-year-old DS be able to nap in this environment?
• would DS adjust happily, given his personal dislike of change in general?
• would my almost-5-year-old DD be safe given her compulsion to mouth toys and other non-food objects?