I know I’m not alone.
Let’s take an example. 6 week old baby starts crying while out shopping with mom, and although mom gets home as quick as she can to put baby down for a nap, she misses the sleep window and baby continues crying for hours. Mom stresses the entire time baby cries – not only is she tired, but her hormones are sending red-alert flags “baby crying! Fix it!!!”, and on top of that, she feels guilty that she missed the sleep window. Once the baby is finally asleep, mom spends the whole naptime trying to get her emotions in order again, possibly not succeeding until evening when her partner returns home and she can vent it out.
Sound familiar?
Here’s something I wish I had known when I first heard that voice: emotion (ie guilt) is not going to help you.
Analysis, on the other hand, may very well help you do things better, or differently, next time.
Next week, I’ll outline some tips that have helped me when I’m struggling with mommy guilt. But meanwhile, tell me: have you experienced mommy guilt? What was the context? How did you process the guilt and get rid of it? Do you still feel guilt when you think of that situation?
2 comments:
I often feel guilt about my oldest. I tend to be shocked/horrified when he does something wrong, whereas with my younger child I am more prepared for childish behavior and can deal with it less emotionally. I feel I have learned so much with my second but that I make my mistakes on my oldest. :( He has the oldest child tendency to perfectionism, and no wonder. I really feel badly about reacting and feeling like it's the end of the world when he doesn't do something right. The emotion gets VERY much in the way of analysis and doesn't do us any favors. The other side is that I probably get more worried and anxious about every little thing, like illness or his own negative emotions, with him. That's not good for him either. I rely heavily on people and resources I trust (like Chronicles of a Babywise Mom and its group) to plan ahead and to deal with things in a logical manner. I still feel this guilt! The only processing I do, other than writing this length comment ;), is to resolve to approach it logically and do better with the next issue that comes up.
Oh, I like what you said about analysis being OK but stress/guilt/negative emotionalism not being so great. I seemed to be doing so well with this since our second arrived and I have been busier, but now that the baby's 4 months old and not sleeping through everything and just going through a rough spot right now, I find myself stewing on the guilt about why it isn't working again more... Suppose I just have more to learn!
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